What People Really Use Siri For

So these commercials for the iPhone S have been all over the place. They show people making positive and productive use of the Siri voice-recognition technology. Something about the ads just doesn’t strike me as real. If they showed what people are really using it for, it would look something like this:

iPhone User: “Siri, who is the fairest iPhone user of all?”

iPhone User: “Siri, what are the penalties for tax evasion?”

iPhone User: “Siri, are these the droids I’m looking for?”

iPU: “Siri, add John to the shit list.”

iPU: “Siri, please tell the officer I was NOT drunking drive”

iPU: “Siri, find me a lawyer”

iPU: “Siri, change your voice to Christopher Walken”

iPU: “Siri, what countries do not extradite to the US?”

iPU: “Siri, am I in the Matrix?”

iPU: “Siri, activate gaydar”

iPU: “Siri, does this make me look fat?”

iPU: “Siri, find me a good Polish joke”

iPU: “Siri, get me the prefix code to that jerk John’s iPhone”

iPU at a party: “Siri, give me an indie band reference, I’m dying out here!”

iPU: “Siri, from now on refer to my ex as ‘The Beast'”

iPU: “Siri, activate self destruct”

iPU: “Siri, spell ‘I cup'”

iPU: “Siri, tell me everything you know about SkyNet, OR ELSE…”

I don’t have an iPhone S, or even a smartphone, but if I did I know I’d probably be saying a lot of the above to poor old Siri, and I imagine others do too…