I realize I’ve been doing this blog thing all wrong. I set out initially to just speak my mind and practice writing. Problem is, I have trouble doing both at the same time. I’ve found that speaking my mind is a lot harder when I’m writing. Speaking is all about trying to get your thoughts out in a clear and concise way. Writing, I have more time to edit the thought before sharing. I can endlessly ponder and analyze that thought, trying to find the perfect way to express it. As I’m doing that, I think of ten ways to expand on that thought. This results in the simplest things taking for-freaking-ever. I’ve spent over half an hour just on this paragraph. Whatever I’m trying to say, it gets hijacked by the perfectionist in me, and the natural flow just gets lost; by the time I’m finally satisfied with a thought or statement, I’ve lost my train of thought.
What I’ve been doing wrong is letting the perfectionist run the show. While I’m trying to express a thought, I get caught up trying to make everything perfect, and it’s incredibly frustrating. It never comes out perfect anyway, because at some point I just say “fuck it!” and go do other things. Then I either publish the half-perfect monstrosity or I stash it away as a draft. By the number of posts, you can probably tell that I take the second option 99% of the time.
You see, this post here, it was supposed to be off-the-cuff, just straight concise thoughts as I would speak them. This blog here, it’s supposed to alleviate frustration, rather than add to it. I have not accomplished these things. So what I’m going to do is get the substance of the post down first, then go back and edit it. Yes, English teachers, you win. After 18-odd years, this most basic principle of writing has finally pierced my thick skull. Your efforts were not in vain.
Ok, that’s pretty much it. Writing about the process of writing makes my brain hurt. Time to go do other things.